In order to adapt to shifting family dynamics that are focused on caring for the child who is sick in the family, a research review states that the healthier sibling will tend to suppress his/her emotions and needs. And it's easy on the parents' part to overlook this aspect. While it’s perfectly logical to assume healthy kids in this situation might experience strong emotions, running the gamut from anger to fear to stress, much of this new research states that parents’ perceptions of how children feel are somewhat skewed.
In the studies conducted to test this theory, it was found that parents didn't quite gauge accurately how detrimental the family scenario could be toward the healthier child. The study examined this issue by asking kids - not their parents - how they felt about living with a sick sibling. “The novel finding was that in order for healthy siblings to get their emotional needs met, they adapted their behaviour and identity over time to fit with the needs of the family, which focused on the unwell sibling,” said lead study author Antoinette Deavin of Lancaster University in the UK.
“This meant that the healthy sibling often felt they had to suppress their emotional needs,” Deavin added. “This can cause them to be seen by the adults in their lives as functioning well and consequently be overlooked, whilst still experiencing distress,” Deavin continued. When siblings of sick kids described a cohesive family unit, with everyone pitching in to help care for the chronically ill child, it found that it brought the family together and that there were no unmet emotions either, leading to a healthier family space for the healthier sibling.
