When you are dating someone, it's just the two of you'll in the relationship, however, all that changes when you'll tie the knot. You have to interact with each others' family and ensure that you build relationships within the family. But more often than not, after marriage, most people tend to get into tiffs with their in-laws and the rosy picture no more exists. If you are facing this problem right now, here's how you can deal with it...
Starting point
Mary George Varghese, clinical psychologist, says, “Whether it is an arranged or love marriage, the points of disagreements are usually the same — differences about the guest list, who spends for what during the wedding, making it an expensive or inexpensive affair, you may want to spend on outfits whereas, your partner and his/her family want to splurge on food or something else, the venue, menu, décor and jewellery among other things.”
Post the wedding
“The warring parties always have one person connecting the two i.e. husband/son or wife/daughter. The dynamics of a relationship that pivots on a third person has higher chances of differences due to lack of direct and non-judgmental communications,” he says. Relationship counsellor, Vishnu Modi adds, “Humans take time to adapt to new situations. Differences arise when both a wife and the in-laws are not able to adapt to their new environment. Of course, there are many other factors as well.” But, according to Jaiswal, the situation may be different in a joint family setup. He says, “It’s easier for joint families to take in a new family member. The very essence of a joint family is about coexistence despite differences. However, an individual’s relationship nurturing can take an equal amount of efforts on behalf of the husband or his wife.”
The solution
Varghese says, “Parents should start familiarising with the immediate family members of the son/daughter’s in-laws. Since the relationship is cloudy, a healthy approach would be to not interfere in the matters of the couple and give them space. Help the couple to seek professional help, as a professional can give an impartial and objective perspective and lead the couple to make the right decision.” The best thing is not to ever take 'sides'. Modi says, “Many a time, people get carried away by emotions when it comes to family members, and blindly take their sides. Take a neutral approach. If you are staying with your parents after marriage, staying separately with your wife will help sooth tempers over time and bring things to what they were when you started dating.” Summing it all up, Modi says, “Happy marriages are never easy. At the same time, you can’t keep everybody happy, completely, whether it’s your wife or parents or in-laws.”
